Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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