dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
