this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
