AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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