i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
