Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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