i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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