I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
