i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
