I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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