jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
