Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
