My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So vagazzling was a success
Who died my cat blue again?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
