meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
