The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
