I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
