We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
