I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
