Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
