The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
