I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
