youre lurking in front of me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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