I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
