she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
