is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
