good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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