Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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