You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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