He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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