Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
