My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
