Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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