sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
