Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
