He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
