Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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