'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize