I heard we made out
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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