Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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