you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
