I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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