I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
