hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
