We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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