I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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