Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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