I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
