I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
