I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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