You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
