Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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