i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
