i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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