He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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