R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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