You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
