There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
