Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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