This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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