i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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