Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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