The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's blow job season.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
