Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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