just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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