She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
