My room smells like vodka and shame
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
