Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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