tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
