I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
