So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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