i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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