somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
